by Kay

Recently I started to notice a feeling of repulsion when looking at clusters. I find some bicycle helmets particularly hard to look at when there is a cluster of holes. The soles of my daughter's running shoes have a cluster of circles that I can't look at but I am fascinated by.It makes my skin crawl. Right now when I look at the words I am typing, all I can see is masses of holes. It looks like rotting skin with holes in it. I can't help trying to discover what on earth would cause me to suddenly feel this way. I searched holes in skin, as I kept thinking it was something to do with the idea of holes in human flesh, and discovered that it was a fear shared by others. I looked at all the pictures posted for Tripophobia and by the end I was experiencing all the symptoms of fear such as a racing heart, shallow breathing and contracted muscles ready for flight or fight.

This might seem very strange but recently I have felt that I have been having some memories from previous lives. Because of this I decided to search skin diseases with the notion that perhaps my unexplained, irrational fear could be a real memory flash-back from another existence. I came across the possibility of smallpox or cowpox being a culprit and on further exploration came across the botfly and jigger infestations in human skin. I watched a particular video on youtube of a monkey having an infestation of botfly larvae removed from it's neck. This intrigued me as the hole with the larvae in it looks very similar to the pictures on the tripophobia page that are so scary for me and with the larvae removed it looks like the holes in the bicycle helmet I fear.I had never heard of botfly and we don't have them in australia so I have never known a fear of them, but if I was in an area where they were I would be very fearful of becoming a host. I am wondering now about the possibility that I have a throw-back memory of living through a botfly plague where I was experiencing this fear daily. The terrible sight of the holes on people's skin around me, and the fear of waking up with an infestation. I have since discovered jiggers but the skin looks very different and the holes not so well defined. I also have the repulsion with clusters of lumps, like a tick infestation. To me this looks more like the smallpox pustules I saw on the internet.

I know that this is a crazy explanation but , at the same time, a lot of phobias that people have are completely irrational in that they can't be traced back to an event of fear in that person's lifetime. It's just a possibility. I'm hoping that if I can identify where it comes from and face it, I can be free of this Tripophobia.

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