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Yep.
by: Nessa

I am exactly the same way; ever since I was eight, I would have panic attacks in the middle of the night because I would imagine dying, that everything would just go black and that would be it. I`m only fifteen, so this shouldn`t really be something I should worry about, but sixty, seventy years isn`t really that long, if you think about it. And I do, every night.

I`m not Christian; I find it hard to believe in God, and heaven, and I`m sure this just amplifies my fear. I never chose to be atheist, and if there is a heaven, I sure as heck hope I get into it, but right now I fully believe that there is nothing. Because of this, I stay up as long as I can during the nights, not wanting to lose all this time just sleeping. If I don`t stay up, though, I`ll start thinking about death, and give myself panic attacks. I have to tire myself out before I can ever hope to get to sleep.

And this phobia has brought up a lot more weird fears; I don`t like eating sticky foods or hard round candies, or going over bridges and large bodies of water, because, what if I choke? Or the bridge collapses, and I die? Or drown? And I hate being in the dark, or home alone, for even more ridiculous reasons, like a burglar breaking into my house and shooting me, or the bogey man getting me.

I understand exactly how you feel, being scared, because I feel it almost all the time. The only time I don`t is when I`m with other people, or reading. Which is why when it gets really bad, I`ll usually go into my parent`s bedrooms in the middle of the night, and sleep there, instead of my room.

I`ve only told my parents once, when I was around nine, and they never really took it seriously; I`m sure they`ve forgotten about it now, and I`m afraid to tell anyone else, because what if I`m just making a big deal out of nothing?

Anyways, sorry about this being so long. It`s nice to know that there are people out there, the same age as I am, that feel the same way as I do. I hope you feel a little bit better having read this xD

And maybe if we both hope really hard, heaven`ll be there when we go? c:

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