Terrfied of being alone, Monophobia?

by Cat

My name is Cat and i am 16 years old, i am terrfied of being alone, even if there is a house full of people i cannot be in one room on my own.
I have read about monophobia but i'm not sure if thats what i have got, i havent had a panick attack or anything like that, but i will so anything to avoid beng alone and i will get anxious and upset about it. i sometimes run past places that make me scared and i call my younger brother upstairs just so i can do my hair and walk downstairs before school. my family dont know how bad it is because they laugh at me and tell me to "just grow up".
Sometimes i will ring people and talk on the phone if i have to go anywhere alone and i will force people to stay with me. sometimes if i am upstairs will phone my little brother to come upstairs and get me from my room (even when he is in the same house) because i am too frightened to leave my room alone. I will often hurt myself rushing around and i follow people to walk home sometimes. Even around strangers i feel safer then on my own, but i am also scared of crowds and small spaces so i usually take friends everywhere with me. If i dont have a friend around i bribe my brother into accompanying me.
it is too bad to ignore now, i cannot even go upstairs in my own house but i dont know why, i just cant be alone without my mind going crazy, sometimes i have really bad thoughts and i feel that i cant cope at all and that i am just in the way. I dont know what to do and i dont know why i feel like this. i panick and tremble and sometimes even cry, hide or close my eyes. It gets in the way of my life, i can't practise my pano unless my mum is cooking dinner so i can see her and i cant walk to school alone.
It also makes me do stupid things, if i am cooking, i would rather burn the food then go and check on it by myself and i wont get up to go to the toilet if i am home alone, i will just hold untill i feel so uncomfortable, then i ring my mum while i run upstairs really fast. It sounds stupid because i have no idea why i feel this way but it is ruining my life and i dont know how to sort it.

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