Social phobia.

by Katie
(North Carolina)

outside

outside

I'm currently 16 and I have researched and researched trillions of websites about disorders and phobias. I discovered some time ago (less than a year though) that i have social phobia.

I always never ever say a word when I get in front of other people because I get nervous and its just really uncomfortable. I should have gotten help a long long time ago from a psychiatrist or psychologist. But actually my parents didn't believe me. They thought I was doing it all for attention. I am a little bit sharper than my parents because I know how to accept things. And I kind of know alot more than my parents.

The thing is I still suffer from social phobia. Very Badly. But my parents refuse to get me help because they do not believe it is real. I have tried to show them the facts about disorders and phobias that are on websites and are in books, but they listen and then say "oh you dont have that, you just want attention by trying to tell us that you have a disorder."

The only thing my parents believe i have is ADD which has been proved in me. By a doctor. My parents are so stubborn or whatever, that I have not been to a doctors office, checkups, pysicals, anything , in years. The last time I went I think i was like eight or something.

I also think people are sometimes watching me and can hear my thoughts. This may sound crazy but its true! I'll be sitting in a classroom and i'll be thinking something and a person will turn around and look at me. Actually more than one will sometimes glance at me after i've had the thought. And at first I was thinking, hmm maybe I accidentally say things out loud. But that was proved false. For the next few days I would feel my mouth as I thought something and see if it would move. To see if i was saying my thoughts outloud. I wasn't.

As you can see, I really need psychological help. But my parents wont get me help. So I guess this torture shall go on for the rest of my life taunting me until I turn to suicide or something. Which i've thought about but never would ever do it. Because im not depressed or anything. Just sometimes a rare thought thats all.

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