Scelerophobia-Harpaxophobia-Nyctophobia

by Katerina
(Germany)

I do not know how I should name my phobia (or phobias), but I can try to explain to you a bit my story.

The main problem: I am afraid to sleep alone at night. My biggest fear is that someone will break in and either steal/rape/hurt me/kill me.

Some less important problem: I am much more afraid to be alone somewhere, anywhere when it is dark outside...also when I walk I always want to control who is around me...sometimes I have the feeling that someone will hit me from behind or will just shoot me...I even feel it sometimes while walking...

ALL THESE INCIDENTS DISAPPEAR WHEN I AM WITH AT LEAST ONE FRIEND...THE MORE PEOPLE THE SAFER I FEEL

Why?

Of course all phobias are not totally explainable and have irrational characteristics, but this phobia I think has some rationality there....we hear stories here and there everyday about many unfortunate events of people stealing, killing etc..thus there IS some probability that this will happen to us..

I have been sleeping with my sister as a child for long and once she wanted to move to another room I would not let her...I could not sleep alone...so she would come back..some nights I would HAVE TO sleep alone in the ROOM (not in the house) and it was really really scary for me....

I moved to another city for 5 years studying and my fear was still there...I would always try my best to find someone to sleep with me....at some points I tried to put myself on purpose to sleep alone in the APPARTMENT...i tried in different periods and either for 1 day or for days in a row...the result? Not even 1 single night I managed to sleep alone...

I have searched deep into my past. I am CERTAIN that there is not even a single incident that something HAPPENED TO ME...I knew I had this problem as a child and bcs I was always curious, I was even looking into my past back then....thus I have searched everything...there is NOTHING to cause it...

MY DIAGNOSIS:

- A part of my fear IS rational...bcs things happen
- A part is genetics (my mother is also a person with a lot of fear)
- A part is because I was always "protected" by my older sister...thus I did not learn to be independent and sleep alone, since I could always rely on her.
- A part could be because I was watching a lot of thrillers and though I cannot remember anymore the scenes (i could for a while), still I think they are in my unconscious (but i do not believe that taking them out would be a solution, bcs they are not the main reason of my problems. I even were putting myself for a period to watch such movies on purpose, believing I could get used to them and to overcome my fear...it was just getting worse...

SOLUTION:

To always have someone to sleep with me....though not very practical...

For sure I do not want to waste my money paying some psychotherapist or even psychiatrist...i also consider it dangerous...and I really doubt that they cannot help me...

there is noone knowing my heart and my mind more than I do and if I cannot help myself who can??? (only God...)

Still I wanted to share my story with you...