Scared of cows

by Carla
(st.louis missouri usa)

It was beautiful green pastures and fall colors as far as the eye could see. My boyfriend and I were at the landlords house sighning the rental agreement for this house in the country. The landlords husband came in and said 'Think we figured out how the cows got out!' I said to him "Mr.Biggs that aint over there were we are going is it?" He said "oh, no sweetie them cows is about 5 acres back from there and wew fixed the post so they won't get out no more." Shew we I was so relieved, I told him "You know I realy don't like cows." That was about the end of that..we packed our car to the roof and headed out to the house in the country the house was cute. I was a few months pregnant and a little fearful of this new adventure I was on with my new boyfriend and soon to be 'baby daddy'.
As he drove the car I watched out the window, the roads were winding and he was scareing me the way he was hugging the road, Byron said "calm down I grew up down here, I know these roads like the back of my hand." I seen these pastures with hundreds of cows off in the distance but once we got into town deeper the roads seem to go thru the middle of these pastures. Cows on either side of the road standing at the fence..Those fence post looked so rotton a baby could of knocked them down and that barb wire looked like dental floss..the smell of cow made my hands sweat. I had to tell him but I didn't want to be laughed at so I turned on the air rolled up the window acted like I was hot. I started to avoid looking out the windows (this became rotine in the two years we lived in that contry house, me looking at my feet when passenger or at the tail lights in front of me when I was driving myself.)
Okay back to our first night. Car was packed to the roof and we pulled up to the house busted out cleaning supplies and paint stuff. I wanted the house to be perfect before we brought everything out so we were going to clean and paint all weekend, sleep on a blanket on the floor till the house was ready to move into. So we were getting ready for bed after a whole day of work. I went out to the car to get my overnight bag. I was digging around in the trashed car and I heard something behind me it was a rustleing in the brush as I looked out I was lisoning real good I could hear little frogs in the pond. Krickets in the garden but couldn't figure what made that noise. I got my bag and hurried back toward the house as I came around the Water well I heard that same rustle in the brush again this time I knew rite were it was I looked up and there in the darkness 10 feet from were I was standing just past the well were two cows eating grass. My eyes welled up with tears, My feet were glued to the sidewalk and my chest was so tight I couldn't even screem I think I squeeked which made them look up at me. Coal black empty lifeless eyes molded by the devil himself. I ran so fast back in the house my voice was back I was scrreming fratickly Byron ran to me what what what he was frantic he wanted to be my hero I guess I couldn't even speak I was so worked up I was crying and shakeing just like i am now remembering all this. My heart was raceing he grabed me as i was shuting windows and locking doors I yanked away locked the last door and backed into the fireplace wall it was the furthest from all doors and widows Byron was still Yelling "What! CARLA What happened!" All I could get out was the word. Cows. I knew how it sounded when I said it. He said "Outside? Theres cows?" He went toward the door I said "Please don't open that! Please" He says "Girl your silly" and went outside he came back in and he was laughing so hard he says "Shit, Carla bet you scard the hell outta them their long gone!"
I was so shaken up it took a minaute for me to get it together and the things he was saying wasan't realy helping of course I know they can't open doors or windows I don't know why I was locking and shuting them. Yeah I know they don't attack. Yes I know they eat grass not people Yes I FREAKIN KNOW. He didn't like seeing me upset and when He realized I was still trimbling and crying he finaly got it "He said your realy scared arent you?" SCARED r u kidding me I can't stand them I just can't I am petrafied of them. Byron Mr. Bigg's said they won't get out he said they were 5 acres back. They were in our back yard for crying out loud! Byron said well you stay here and I will go see were they came thru at..What you can't leave me here, your not going out there.
So lets back up to when I was 9 years old...I went to a family friends house with my grandmother we stayed the night there. I woke up to a hand in my pants and up my shirt. I jumped up and couldn't understand what this man was trying to do to me but I knew it was wrong. so in the moring I told my uncle who wasn't much older then I was he said for me to stay close to him and that this man wouldn't ever get me latter that day this man told my uncle that he could show him were every girl was tickleish at he told my uncle to grab me. They grabed me and pinned me on a pool table and this man grabed my thighs high up and started to squeeze I was screeming to let me go like I was being butchered I ran up stairs Yelling You stay away from me Don't touch me AGAIN. Man people thought I was crazy we were at this guys birthday party and I mad a scene...after everything was over and people left my grandma and I were sitting on the couch I told her what happened in the night. Then this man comes in the house he says come on outside I want to show you something and I said I am not going anywere with you. My grandma said not to be rude and she sent me outside with him. He walked me over to this pasture there were cows up a hill He told me about cows and mateing season he told me about bulls and territory he told me they wouldn't attack him because he fed them and that they knew him. Thats about the time he picked me up and threw me over the barb wire fence I was so scard and those cows were commeing down to were we were standing. He say's oh no here he comes look at him hes pissed...He told me that he would tell everyone i climbed in there no one would know different he told me I had to "keep my fucking mouth shut" I didn't want to say that I wouldn't tell but I didn't want to stand there and get eatin so I said okay okay let me out. It was the hardest thing I think I ever did was run to that fence put my hands in the air and let that man pick me up and rescue me and even then he was rubbing my breast with his thumbs!
I didn't know the fear he put in me till my aunt moved to the country and I saw the cows there they took my breath away. I am so scared of cows it makes me cry. Its funny cuz I know they won't hurt me. I know he made it up to scare me but the fear is so real. the panic is so real. I hate that man! Not for molesting me, but for giving me this unreal phobia. I just can't get over it I tried to look out the window in the car. I even one time talked Byron into takeing to a cow farm but before we got there the fear made me vomit. I can't do it. How are we supposed to live his dream life in the country if I can barely move when I see a stupid cow. We live in the city now so I don't have to deal with it but he has been talking about the country and how we need a bigger house for our family of 5. And here I am still shakeing and crying at the thought of seeing a cow!

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