Scared my children will die
without trying to rationalise my fears, I am very scared that my children will die.
An otherwise peaceful relaxed educated and rational young woman, I have a deep unsettling phobia which causes me anxiety and has probably outworn it's usefulness.
It began during pregnancy- that i would miscarry.
I would deliberately prepare myself for the upcoming death and research how to cope with pre-term birth and infant death.
When i made it past 12 weeks i was relieved.
When I made it to 27 weeks when baby was viable- i was relieved again.
upon birthing- i was scared baby would die in birth.
After birth- i was concerned baby would die in its sleep.
Whenver baby was sick, we were travelling, or I indulged in anything a little mind altering ( a puff of weed.etc..) I was Sure baby would die.
When my kids act weird, I think "Maybe someone gave them something, maybe they ate poison....."
whenever It's quiet in my house - I think- Maybe the toddlers have wandered onto the road, fell off a ledge...etc.
I think- Is the bath empty? Is the handbreak on? Has the person driving up the driveway seen the baby? has a poison been left out by someone?
All of these things could have happened, and I recognise that it's healthy to protect our children.
I wonder do other mums/dads experience this or is it just me?
It starts to fade when they reach 4.
I know they are less as risk by then.
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