Scared my children will die

by kasey
(melbourne)

without trying to rationalise my fears, I am very scared that my children will die.

An otherwise peaceful relaxed educated and rational young woman, I have a deep unsettling phobia which causes me anxiety and has probably outworn it's usefulness.

It began during pregnancy- that i would miscarry.
I would deliberately prepare myself for the upcoming death and research how to cope with pre-term birth and infant death.

When i made it past 12 weeks i was relieved.

When I made it to 27 weeks when baby was viable- i was relieved again.

upon birthing- i was scared baby would die in birth.

After birth- i was concerned baby would die in its sleep.

Whenver baby was sick, we were travelling, or I indulged in anything a little mind altering ( a puff of weed.etc..) I was Sure baby would die.

When my kids act weird, I think "Maybe someone gave them something, maybe they ate poison....."

whenever It's quiet in my house - I think- Maybe the toddlers have wandered onto the road, fell off a ledge...etc.

I think- Is the bath empty? Is the handbreak on? Has the person driving up the driveway seen the baby? has a poison been left out by someone?


All of these things could have happened, and I recognise that it's healthy to protect our children.

I wonder do other mums/dads experience this or is it just me?

It starts to fade when they reach 4.
I know they are less as risk by then.

:)