Phobia of Whales

by Marly
(Orange County)

How do I begin...
My name is Marly. I am 18 years old.
For as long as I can remember, I've had a terrible phobia of whales. I can't explain why - let alone how.

Every time I mention or hear the word 'whale,' my heart begins to race. I begin to panic and go hysterical.
I had to close my eyes just because i typed the word 'whale.' i thought someone would post pictures of whales on this site as a joke.

I cannot look at them - a picture, on television, or on an advert - i just simply cannot.
I will close my eyes, cover my ears, and probably run out of wherever i am.

This phobia prevents me from going to the beach out of fear that one might be popping out. I mean, I am able to stand in the sand, but I cannot get close to the shore. I will lose it! The sad part is - i live near the beach. :'( My family LOVES going to the beach. Every time they want to head over there, I debate whether or not to go.

I'm not sure if this is linked to my fear of deep waters. I cannot look at the ocean because I am afraid.

Yesterday, I went to Long Beach with my family. We drove by this street and I was scared because it was near the ocean.
I was looking out, and I saw a big circular building with whale paintings on them. oh my God, I screamed and started to cry. I literally held onto my mom like a baby. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I couldnt breathe. Even when I closed my eyes i could still see the image. I was so afraid to even blink :'(

A few days ago, I went to Disneyland. My sister wanted to get on the new Nemo Submarine. I didn't want to go on, but i was convinced to get in (to possibly help me overcome my fear.) I felt trapped, i wanted to shout at the guy operating the submarine to let me out :'(. There were so many little kids enjoying the scenes but I could not. Throughout the entire ride, I closed my eyes and covered my ears. The whale part came and I felt my heart beat so fast. I felt like i was going to faint or die. My sister held onto me and said to look. But i could not! i just couldnt :'(. I refused to! When the submarine came to a stop, I was probably the happiest person in Disneyland..!

I am not making any of this up. I wish I were. I wish i didn't allow this phobia to control my life - to put a limit to places i could and could not attend. Sometimes I feel so childish, because i have a fear for something little kids love to. I cannot even stand those Sea World adverts. :(

Whenever I share my phobia of whales with others, they laugh or try hard to keep their laughter in. Then they say "What! Why! they are so nice and they wont harm you!'

I wonder whether I want to find out why I have this phobia or not. Sometimes, things are best left untold... :(

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