Phobia Of My Boyfriend Dying

by Taylor
(Belmont, Ohio USA)

Random Picture Of Me

Random Picture Of Me

Okay, there is a lot to say. I am 14 years old, my name is Taylor and i feel that i have a phobia of losing my boyfriend, Randell. I dont know why but it started at least a week and a half ago. He is absolutly the love of my life and i find myself unknowing of what i would do if he was dead. I think i accidently scared myself into this phobia, and i really want a way to not stop it, but keep it a little less hard on me. I havn't slept well and when i can sleep its because i cried so much i basically pass out. I have dreams of him dying every night and i am really scared because i have been known to predict things in my life. Im not trying to say im a psycic but i saw and felt the pain of my grandfather's death in a dream, then that morning he was dead. That sort of thing hasnt happened in almost six years so i think that was just ironic. I just feel like i should be there to protect him at every second. I already know if he did die, i would commit suicide because i wouldnt be able to take control of myself. My latest dream was of last night, New Years Eve. Me and randell were at my house last night and we partied with my cousins in the basment. We both drank monster energy and two 2 liter bottles of coke. To my surprise, he went home and drank alcohol and i went into a frantic state where i felt he would die in his sleep from all of the chemicals. I cried myself to sleep and woke up six times to cry about another nightmare of his death. Honestly, i dont know if i can take this pain anymore. I called him at 12:15 today to see if he was still okay. He was and i told him of my dreams. He really didnt get how upset i was. Can anyone please tell me why i keep feeling like this?

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