Obsessing over fear of herpes
Met a beautiful woman, and we've been on a few dates and kissed. But then I see a white patch on her lip, it could just be a sore from the freezing cold wind, or it is it the other kind of cold sore? Back home we start fooling around and take off her shirt, and I see a few red marks above her jeans - are they ingrown-hair pimples from shaving there? Or are they herpes blisters? Or something else?
I'm not a medical professional, I don't know how to tell, and I search Google about herpes and see a lot of different images, some horribly disgusting - oh my god can herpes do that do you? - and a few pictures looked a lot like a pimple, or like the sort of pale scab that forms when you bite your lip, so there are many ways that herpes blisters can look. And it says many people have no symptoms - there is a chance I already have HSV-1 from the few girls that I kissed in years past, but I simply have no symptoms. Makes me want to get a blood test.
I don't have OCD, but I have some traits of an obsessive-compulsive personality, meaning that I will worry about something repeatedly (obsess over it), and generally strive for perfection and go to lengths to check and avoid mistakes - but there is no single thing that I feel compelled to do. A few weeks ago, I obsessed about the next date with her, worried she is not as attracted to me as I am to her and making the next date as perfect as possible. Now, I obsess over the risk of herpes - but at the same time I want a relationship, and sex of course.
Or maybe I should just say, before we have sex, the responsible thing to do is both get tested for STDs... and hope she doesn't take it as a complete lack of trust and hate me. And then, if we are tested and turns out she has it... do I reject her and prove myself shallow by some measure, or do I order some crotchless latex fetish pants and hope that + condom will let us have sex without much risk? In that case, do I prove myself a very strange person that she should think twice about? Do I say I am a germophobe? She already sees that that I don't shake hands with people when I have a cold, because shaking hands passes it on, and I always have to explain this to people.
Or maybe it is all in my head and her lip sore is from the cold wind, the red raised marks are from shaving, and neither of us has anything and I am wasting my energy and time obsessing over it. But I can't tell.