My Phobia of Wood

by Jared O'connell

My whole life has been influenced by the wood around me. As someone who lives in New England this has been a real issue for me. Every time I step outside, I have major panic attack. Usually in the morning, I will have three to four major panic attacks upon waking up. I am constantly bombarded with fear in everyday life. Even the smallest amount of wood causes me to seize with terror, and I will frequently faint from panic. Be it vegetable chopping board, simple table, or even a decorative ornament that my family places upon a plastic christmas tree, causes me to spasm with fear. Even if I don't know an object contains wood, upon looking at it, I will have a panic attack. This fear runs in my family, and tends to skip a generation. My great great great grandfather was a lumberjack, and in front of my great great grandfathers eyes, was pushed of a cliff by falling dislodged tree branch. Ever since, my family has been petrified of wood. Our house consists of nothing but plastic, and metal, and we have trained our dog to sniff out any near by wood, to alert us when we go outside. I have taken to wearing horse blinders around my eyes, as to not see any wood in my peripheral vision, and have had major success.
Hopefully I can continue my life as a humble conspiracy theorist on the internet despite my crippling phobia, and on behalf of my family I would like to thank Phobia Fear Release for allowing me to share my humble life story.

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