My fears are as serious as a heart attack

by Desiree
(USA )

I am a 30 yr old female. Who has been diagnosed with mitral valve prolapse twice now. The first time was in 2007 and again just a few days ago. Back in 2010 I was told I didn't have it by a different cardiologist. For as long as I can remember I have been more aware of my heart, and having a fear of an un healthy heart. When I was in junior high I would regularly go to my gp for EKG's. I'm not sure when or why I started fearing heart issues, but one day the thought just invaded my mind. Through out my life I have had bouts of not fearing my heart. So it hasn't been 100 percent continous. But for the last year it has been beyond ridiculous. I am having thoughts of my heart or a fear of a heart attack every waking hour, from the moment I wake, until I go to either bed, or the hospital. I have been to the hospital three times just since January. I also have been having a lot of numbness and tingling in my hands, shoulder blade pain that has been a permanent fixture in my life for months now. After my latest venture to the er, I decided to mention the whole MVP mystery to my doctor, as I knew he would recommend I see a cardiologist. I did this for two reasons. 1. I wanted to know if I did / didn't have MVP. And 2. I wanted to go through the battery of tests to see if anything new had developed. I have had two or three EKG 's = normal, an echo stress test( it's like two tests in one...bonus!) and I wore a 24 hour halter monitor= both normal, other than the MVP. I had my heart enzymes checked while at the er=normal, I have good cholesterol levels although my good cholesterol was a tad bit low, blood pressure is always a tad low, but I always get the perfect statement from the nurse. I am thin, and farely active( but plan to do the recommended four days a week for 45 min workouts) All of my blood work comes back good, except a slight elevation with my hemoglobin, I have had chest x-rays of the heart= looks good. Heart disease doesn't run in my family, and both my gp and cardio doc have said other than the MVP my heart is healthy, yet I can't stop my mind from worrying about my heart. I thought after all of these reassurances that my heart was in good shape, it would ease my mind, but it hasn't. I am some how convinces that they have missed something, some how. I get mystery pains in my arms, elbow, wrist, shoulders, and boy, don't let me get heart burn, I will go into full on panick mode. I guess what I am getting at is, I feel so alone in this. I wish I could somehow beat this fear and live life how it should be lived. I do smoke, but am facing the facts that I have to stop.( not easy, after smoking for 19 years) I like to drink at home and relax a few times a week( usually 4-6 beers each time) and I smoke a little marajuana here and there. I was told to eliminate it all and that is a worry, because after doing something for a while , you become so accustom to the routine, and find comfort in the norm, or at least I do. I have a five yr old little boy who deserves to have a normal thinking mom, who needs to be around for many years to guide him through life, and daily I fear I won't. If anyone has any advice for me, or has experienced or is currently in the same boat, please respond, so I don't feel like I am all alone in this crazy cycle.