I have apeirophobia

by Anonymous
(Houston, TX)

I constantly see people posting things regarding their OCD symptoms, is it because we all share some in common, but don't really have the Disorder?

I have reason to believe that I have apeirophobia, which is the fear of infinity... I cannot stand the thought of things ever going on forever, or how that would ever work out, or why the universe doesn't have a beginning, or an end, that can be explained, or proven.

I constantly have intrusive thoughts about people (anyone) dying, in freak accidents mostly, or not accidentally. If I tap, touch, or feel under one of my nails, I feel the urge to do it to the rest of my fingers, on both hands, and if I don't feel I did it thoroughly I do it again, and then I have to do it again to the rest of my nails.

I cannot ever do something, without feeling the urge to check over and over again if I did it right... or if i truly did it. If I lock a door, I usually go back and check again, and again.

If I am going to order something online, I cannot check enough times, to see if I made a mistake in typing in my name, or my address.

And no matter how much I check things, it's never enough... my family gets angry at me for checking things too much, and for taking too long to do stuff, but I tell them that I can't help myself. Is this normal for everyone?

I also used to have a fear of showers, and when I was very young, I would bathe outside in the back patio of my home in El Salvador:

I once watched the part in that clown movie, when I was very little, where this guy is showering, and the clown pops up in the shower through the drain.

Ever since then, until just maybe two years ago, I was very afraid to shower, mostly in the shower that's also a bathtub... I was always really fearful of turning away from the drain, in fear of something coming our of it.