Hypercondriac maniac!

by Holly
(UK)

After my Dad suffering a terminal brain tumor in 2008 I've since then had a massive fear of cancer and other serious illnesses some days I can't even think straight because of my severe phobia.
Headache? well obviously it must be a brain tumor.
Rash on the skin? Must be meningitis.
Pains in chest? Seems like a heart attack.
I can't even begin to tell you how many times ive been to the doctors in this year alone thinking i've been suffering from some undiagnoised illness despite having blood tests a couple of months prior which confirmed there was nothing seriously wrong with me.
I had a phase of diagnoising my symptoms online for a couple of months which then developed into a further health anxiety as the internet (which I now realise) is unreliable for health symptoms. I would sometimes stop up for hours at a time not getting to sleep til 6 in the morning googling any slight symptom I was getting whether it be an ache or pain, headache, you name it I googled it, and of course they all pointed to cancer which increased my cancer phobia even further, and yet again my symptoms didn't turn out to be cancer.
I was so convinced I was dying of cancer during the Summer I even planned to write my will (even though I'm only 16).
I knew deep down I didnt have anything seriously wrong with me, I just convinced myself so much I did that my mind was playing so many tricks on me.
I have tried numerous counselling services and seen a psychatrist but none have worked, I'm trying to keep myself under control and I am glad to say ive been feeling a lot better in myself about the cancer phobia, I have some days where it comes back but most of the time I can lead a happy care free life now :)
I still suffer from fear of dying, alcohol, being in groups of people, getting ill, but they are improving a lot more now.

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