Help Too Many People !

by Melinda
(Kitchener, ON, Canada)

I think I have two simultaneities, One If I wanted to go jogging, I'm too scared to go out in public. Not to a bar, Fitness gym, sometimes I can't go shopping alone.
It's really hard. I had this since I was a teenager I think.
Second if I happen to walk in a place that is crowded with people, I would become panicky, my breathing would get faster almost hyperventilate. I would turn around and walk out.
Maybe, having people stare at me, watching me, that I'm alone....really scares me.
When I'm with a family member or friend I'm good in large crowds and jogging.
It's like I have to have someone with me in feeling comfortable and SAFE.
Though it's different when I go to work because I'm expected to be there at a certain time, even if it's a new place.......weird isn't it?
I don't know why I'm scared of people, maybe that they may be judging me, how I look and what I'm wearing.
I remember when I was little going to Eaton's Department store on Saturday mornings with the family. We'd go through aisles, then past the large assortment of televisions, us kids would wait for mom and dad. I would be swept away by the cartoons and loose myself watching so intensely, I lost track of time.
Finally minutes past, I would look up and around and my parents forgot about me. I was so terrified!
When I was reunited with them, I always got in trouble for not staying with my family when I was supposed too.
This maybe the reason.....I would get lost a lot when I was a child.
Not good eh.

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