Fear of the Sasquatch

by Merge
(athalmer British Columbia Canada)

I could truly understand why I developed this life altering fear of the Sasquatch. Some say it is because i was born a large baby. Others say it is because I was once attacked into a headlock by my uncle Morty who was a very large and extremely hairy beast of a man.

It has become more sever with age. I can no longer go camping or truly enjoy myself in the outdoor. When i see a darkened patch of tree, i get muscle contractions and my lungs feel like they are about to burst because i hyperventilate myself into a stupor.

I have tried yoga to calm myself, i have tried many a psychologist, but nothing ever seams to help me.

I have even tried forcing myself to run into the forest behind my house, but as soon as i gaze into the shadowy patches in the tree glens. I collapse and retract into conniption fits.

What am i to do. It has ruined my life, my marriage and all of my friendships, because i live in the backwoods of BC and all of my relations and acquaintances are rock climbers and lumberjacks???