Fear of the Homosexual word

Years ago, I was living with my girlfriend. We broke up and I was living alone. I worked in a Prison that time where many homosexuals inmates lived. I was feeling very sad due to the break up.

I was thinking to myself, "the Homosexuals are happier than me in the prison" The word Homosexual and that thought scared me. I started obsessing on the word. It wouldn’t go away. I thought that i was going to be gay now, in a weird way of thinking. It drove me into a major depression.

I got better, but still obsess over the word at times when I hear it. When I get frustrated the word pops in my head ?? I don’t understand ? It's like a Post traumatic stress issue I guess ? I 'm not sure and it has caused me much anxiety and depression over the years.

It has been 20 yrs now and I still obsess from time to time which can last weeks on end.

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