Fear of Squishing Bugs

by Aubri
(United states)

I have such a fear of squashed bugs. To this day I plug my ears and close my eyes if one of my parents does so much as kill a spider with a tissue. I can remember images of bugs getting killed from years ago. I'm 14 currently, and I remember when me and my cousin were playing with beetles and he accidentally squished one. That was about 9 years ago. I think of all these and they swirl in my head before I eat, or even if I see one of the same kind living. I also remember running over a beetle with my scooter as a child. I'm mostly afraid of squishing beetles as you can tell, but all bugs getting squished literally makes me gag. One time at a restaurant a woman ordered pasta. It was a fancy restaurant with these fancy noodles that looked oddly like worms or maggots. As I watched her take a bite my stomach churned, and I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I guess you could say I have a fear of eating insects too. It's a terrible combination. I get these images and I can't even stop it. Everybody I've told laughs, or says I'm being dramatic or lying. They sometime taunt me and give me more images to flood my thoughts. I don't know how to get rid of it. I can't even eat without worrying a bug has made it's way into my food, which is weird and it's annoying to hesitate and lie to yourself and have to tell yourself "no, that wouldn't happen" to push through eating. Sometimes I'll be chewing and an image will pop into my head and I'll make a gagging noise or sometimes throw up in my mouth. All I can do it is hope it goes away with age.

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