fear of not being seen in a Dress

by Racheal
(United Kingdom)

OK this is hard to explain but im gonna give it a go.
I am a 40 something transgendered person.
I have been trans as long as i can remember.
I was married for 18 years to a very non understanding wife and had to try and keep my physical trans state hidden.
Anyway cut a long story short we broke up and i moved out.
Eventually got myselve my own place where i could be me.
Anyway .its got to the point now where i hate going out looking like a fella. I prefer my other side. I am very convincing as a girl and have no problemms passing in the public eye.
I still have to keep up the male persona at times for certain things so i cant leave my male side behind completly. But he is just so drabb and i am very self concious when i go out as him.
I dont intend to have a gender operation or seek any physical change to my body at this time as in all honesty i dont feel i need or want to.
Before you draw any conclusions i can pass as a guy to if a liitle efemate one
Is this a phobia or am i just being stupid?
I do fear being seen as a guy because if im then seen by the same person or people as a girl i would imagine at the very least it would cause confusion if not hysteria
Any comments will be gratefully recieved

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