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Afraid of herpes
by: Garonomous

Met a beautiful woman, and we've been on a few dates and kissing. But then I see a white patch on her lip, it could just be a sore from the freezing cold wind, or it is it an actual cold sore? Back home we start fooling around and take off her shirt, and I see a few red marks above her jeans - are they ingrown-hair pimples from shaving there? Or are they herpes blisters? Or something else?

I'm not a medical professional, I don't know how to tell, and I search Google about herpes and see a lot of different images, some horribly disgusting - oh my god can herpes do that do you? - and a few pictures looked a lot like a pimple, or like the sort of pale scab that forms when you bite your lip, so there are many ways that herpes blisters can look. And it says many people have no symptoms - there is a chance I already have HSV-1 from the few girls that I kissed in years past, but I simply have no symptoms. Makes me want to get a blood test.

I don't have OCD, but I have some traits of an obsessive-compulsive personality, meaning that I will worry about something repeatedly (obsess over it), and generally strive for perfection and go to lengths to check and avoid mistakes. A few weeks ago, I obsessed about the next date with her. Now, I obsess over the risk of herpes - but at the same time I want a relationship, and sex of course. So now I google for latex underwear - maybe if one of use wears black fetish pants as well as using a condom, we can prevent herpes transmission.

Or maybe I should just say, before we have sex, the responsible thing to do is get tested for STDs, and hope she doesn't run away. And then, in the case that she is infected... I don't want it, should I reject her, or bring out the crotchless fetish pants? The latter might make her question my sanity, or maybe I should say I am a germophobe? She already knows that I don't shake hands with people to avoid catching a cold, and I always have to explain this.

Or maybe it is all in my head and her lip sore is from the cold wind, the red raised marks are from shaving, and neither of us has anything and I am wasting my energy and time obsessing over it. But I can't tell.

Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone
by: Anonymous

I have had an intense fear of herpes for around 5 years now. I have a great therapist who has helped me with this but sometimes it flares up like it has this weekend. I am in a monogamous relationship, have been with the same man for getting close to 12 years, and he hasn't had cold sores. I've never had one, as far as I know, but I'm terrified of getting one. This weekend I did a lip scan (I'm sure you all can relate to checking your lips obsessively) and found a teeny tiny little dot, no bigger than a pinprick, near the very corner of my mouth. I instantly felt tingly and sore and itchy - but if I don't think about it, it doesn't feel lik anything at all! I'm scared that I got a cold sore from eating from a bowl of chips... that another friend ate from, and she gets cold sores. she didn't have one but I'm scared of viral shedding. I was trying to challenge my fears but eating the chips but WHY risk it? Why would I risk everything by eating the chips?

I'm so tired of this. My husband is, too. He is sad when he sees me get so upset and I think he also gets frustrated - who can blame him? I got so sick to my stomach when I found that pinprick. I dont' want to kiss him for fear that's what it is. I'm going to go to the dr tomorrow to see about it, if it's still there. I should probably make an appointment with my therapist, too. I wish all of you peace.

Glad I'm not the only one
by: Anonymous

I Googled cold sores because I'm terrified that I will get one because someone gave me a french fry that they had touched and then I went to take it, and my hands hadn't been washed, and I ate like a bit of the middle. I have NO IDEA why I did that because I've had an intense phobia around herpes since 2008. I think I'm tired of seeming so paranoid and germophobic and I thought I was over it, to be honest, because I've gotten a bit better. But now I'm terrified and sick to my stomach. I didn't finish the fry, I just threw it out. Stupid me, after googling this, I found something about not sharing food if the person has an active cold sore. Well, this person did NOT have an active cold sore, but how am I supposed to know if there is viral shedding because they do have it and it's just not showing? I'm so upset. I am married and have a wondeful husband and the most awful thing I can think of is giving him a cold sore because I took a stupid frigging fry from someone just so I didn't look weird. Why should it matter? My husband has never had a cold sore and neither have I. I don't understand why people get so offended if you won't take a drink from the same cup or share from a bag of food. It makes no sense to me why anyone woudl want to do that, and YET I took the stupid fry. I want to go and talk to my husband about it because whenever I have a cold sore scare I want to tell him and ask if he's scared to kiss me. He always kisses me right away and usually I feel better. I don't even want to go to work today because I feel so upset and gross. The whole fear started when, because I didn't want to offend (dumb), I took some lip gloss from someone.... I put it on my own lips! I ended up using alcohol to remove it, I was so scared. I ended up having a bit of a breakdown and watched my lips for ages afterwards to see if I got one. I never did. But now, for getting close to 5 years, I have lived with this incredible fear. I feel like I want to call my therapist and set up an appointment to talk about this. LIke I said, things have gotten better but it's still very very frightening. I want to tell all of you other folks with this fear that I understand and I'm hoping that all of us will one day overcome our fears. I'm wishing you all the best.We're going to be okay.

by: Anonymous

I am so scared of cold sores. I need help.

Fear from the moment i wake up until i go to sleep
by: Jenn

I recently developed this fear this year actually. Herpes tests are not apart of routine std testing where I live (Canada). When I read that herpes can remain dormant for years, and that people sometimes don't experience symptoms I freaked out. Yesterday I received the IGG blood test for herpes, waiting to see if I get that dreaded phone call from the doctor, because if I receive a call I'm positive for some sort of herpes virus. Hoping I dont receive this call. I have started to not want to touch ANYTHING... I work with a lady who has oral herpes, as she experiences cold sores. I don't think she even realizes that she has this...
I am 26 years old now, started having sex when I was 16. When I lost my virginity I used a condom... after that, the partners I did have (one nighters) I didn't use anything. I met a guy when I was 20, and didn't use a condom for 5 years. We broke up, he had numerous partners afterwards, but I slept with him a year after we broke up. So here I am now, PETRIFIED that he gave me something. If I get a pimple, I think it's herpes immediately. If I experience any type of discomfort in my genital area or mouth area, I jump to thinking it's herpes and feel so sick and dizzy. I always go to worst case scenario too, so if these results come back positive, I will NEVER get into another relationship, and refuse to have children. I couldn't imagine telling someone I have herpes... it wouldn't go well and I don't have the strength to deal with that type of rejection because I for one understand that herpes isn't in the end of the world, but others see it as a disgusting disease and "don't come near me". I am glad I found this site.

by: Anonymous

So great to find this website! I can relate to every single post on here. My OCD and fear of coldsores developed out of nowhere about 8 years ago and got worse when I had my daughter 4 years ago. If I am forced into a situation where I have to be around someone with a coldsore I absolutely freak out, shortness of breath, sweating, hot hands, just the worst. I only feel better once I get home, have a shower and change my clothes. I understand how ridiculous this fear is to some people, but I have no control. I do feel a little better after doing some research and finding out that the herpes virus is quite fragile and can only survive 10 seconds outside of the body, on inanimate objects. I hope to one day be free of this debilitating fear.

OMG I am not alone
by: Anonymous

I thought I was the only person paranoid about this. It is hell to live with this fear....I don't feel so lonely anymore.

There is nothing wrong with our fear......
by: Eric

There are alot of stupid and/or ignorant people in this world and sadly most of them are also dirty. They do think lip herpes HSV1 is no big deal, but guess what, there are two strains, HSV1 HSV2 and though, HSV2 is more common to be or become genital, both kinds, can become genital depends on the person... if you think how dirty you would feel getting one on your lip think about a disgusting outbreak on your privates...people just run around kissing whoever at parties, some even screwing people they don't one knows they have these diseases, and they just pass them along. Why? Because they aren't taught to fear them.. I don't know why either. I fear them, sex is fun, and meant to be fun, and you can't have fun if your worried your lover can transfer their lip herpe to your genitals, point blank, its frigging disgusting....and afraid, ask people if they get cold sores, don't worry about offending them, because guess what you have a right to know its your health being risked...they should want to know but most people are scared to find out.....nasty nasty planet....

Phobia or Extreme Fear?
by: Anonymous

My phobia is not as extreme as everyone else's here seems to be. I've had a phobia of cold sores for many years, but have no problem with any other germs. When I see someone with a cold sore, it makes me nauseous. I get the chills, start to tremble, and usually run away, but not once have I ever washed my hands/used sanitizer for fear of germs. When a friend of mine had a cold sore starting out on her lip, I had a hard time being around her, and tried to avoid touching things she had touched, but when I wasn't looking or thinking about it, I was fine. Don't know of this makes it a phobia or just an extreme fear, but the thought of getting a cold sore makes me physically ill.

My fear of herpes.
by: Girl

I can't recall when my fear of herpes began, but I do remember being a little girl and being completely scared to open doors or push shopping carts and basically anything that strangers touch constantly, and still to this day I am the same. I can say that it is ruining my life but at the same time my fear has protected me from contracting it. It's hard for me because I work in retail and I've had a few customers that have had it and it's given me anxiety attacks... I could see the look on their face of how I made them feel but I am just so scared of herpes. I cry sometimes because I am so scared. Now it's the winter season and a co-worker has sprung a huge herpes infection on her mouth and I am so scared to touch the cash register or be anywhere near her. I bought Lysol wipes to use at work and clean everything she touches, though, I still keep my hands in my sleeves to use the register. My fear of herpes is getting worse and I am about to quit my job. I can't work with the public any longer as it's making me crazy. My fear of herpes has completely taken over me. I have become neurotic.

herpes is nastyyyyy
by: nygia coleman

okay umm, i do not like herpes and its scary but some people have it and some don't if you practice safe sex then you won't get im 13 and i know alot about sex & diseases im in 8th grade so i go to health and learn about the diseases and stuff my mom and dad had ghonneria, tricamonia and something else when my mom told me that i was like omg and she was pregnant with me when she had it ! thank god she got rid of it when she had me.

Me too
by: Anonymous

I am so glad i found this page & to find that I am not alone,I had to leave work today following a panic attack as a colleague had one - work think i had migraine.
It all started for me when my daughter wass 4 days old my grandmother came to visit with coldsores! I knew the danger of coldsores to newborns & have always had fear of them but it was manageable until now - as in my parents get them & i have never had 1 yet i lived with them & shared a bathroom with them for the 1st 23 years of my life! So i know the rational side to them but i am now completely irratinal when it comes to them, having to clean everything & all to protect me & my beautiful daughter - i blame my grandma entirely for this phobia which is now effecting my life i feel like a freak when i know i'm! it's just this phobia is taking over - i can't talk to my husband about it without him becoming angry as he just doesn't understand altho thankfully he is not a sufferer my understanding is i will never know until my daughter is in her teens whether she may have contracted the virus as i understand it doesnt take hold until puberty? maybe im wrong, needless to say i now have no relationship with my grandma & my life is so full of cleaning to protect me & my now 14 month old daughter from this awful virus that its made me not want to have anymore children for fear of not being able to cope with protecting another & this is effecting my relationship with my husband further as he would like to have another child, i have seen a CBT therapist which has helped somewhat on my cleaning & general germphobia but this fear of coldsores i almost fear not having the phobia for fear that slacking on preventing will wind me up with 1! ARRRGHHHHH! im so pleased to have found a release & to see that i am not alone in the world
S 26

not so fearless
by: Anonymous

ok, im younger than 17 but im EXTREMELY afraid of herpes. i saw my best friend with a cold sore and it freaked me out! then he shared a drink with me without me knowing it. i saw a cold sore on my lips a few weeks later. it freaked me out and i was so scared and depressed, i thought about killing myself. I'd rather be dead than have herpes. luckily, the mark ended up to be a pimple. you would not believe the fear that took over my body before i found that out. my head felt cloudy, my hands were shaking, i was sweating, and i had this loud, sharp pain attacking my chest. not to mention my vision went haywire and everything began to tilt and blur. never before in my life have i been so extremely and utterly helplessly afraid. to conclude any further panic attacks, i looked up everything there is to know about this STD. sadly, it only scared me even more. I've never had my first kiss yet and I'm too afraid to get within 5 feet of a person. i wish i was fearless.

I wish I could move on
by: Anonymous

Hey all.

I have this same problem. It started REALLY bad for me when I was dating a guy who I had known for quite awhile and trusted very much. We only lasted about 7 months before deciding it wasn't working. I saw him about 6 months later in passing and he had a cold sore. The first time I had ever seen him with one. I freaked. I asked him about it and he said nonchalantly that he has gotten them all his life but hadn't had one for the last 10 years. I kid you not I had an insane panic attack and flipped out on him asking him why he never told me. He said he had kind of forgotten about it and didn't think it was a big deal or something he had to disclose. That made me even more angry and ever since then I've been messed up and extremely phobic of everyone and everything. I was just disgusted he wouldnt share that withe considering we had been intimate and that I certainly never imagined I would have to probe someone with questions about their herpes history before a simple kiss or what have you. Now I don't even want to date because I'm afraid that most people hide this information because they feel it's a common thing or since they don't have an outbreak it's not an issue. Now I feel like everywhere I turn I see someone with one and especially at work I'm noticing more people with them and I can't even focus! I just want to keep my distance at all times. Today I went to an open house and the realtor came up and shook my hand and handed me a brochure and after I looked at her closer it looked like she had a cold sore on her lip and all I could think about was washing my hands but of course no bathrooms had soap in them! What is wrong with me?! This is ruining my life and my social interaction and my ability to just have fun. I don't know how to stop obsessing over it.

by: Anonymous

ME TOOOOO!! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE! im shaking right now just from thinking about it. i refuse too hear the word or ill get so scared and freak out. it took some serious courage to look this up. ughh good to know im not the only one

Paranoid and afraid of people.
by: Scared of The Herpes!

I have an over the top fear of herpes. I'm only 15 years old and I already wont go out with friends or anywhere outside of the house. My herpe phobia started when I was 11 years old, when a girl with supper herpes was my friend. She had spreed them to ALL her other friends when she got into arguments with them. I had heard from a friend that she was angry at me because I had been making more friends then her, scared as crap of what she could spread to me I stopped being her friend. I think what really made this all sky rocket is when I heard that she had gotten it in her eye and almost went blind. Since then I have to walk around with hand sanitizer and I can't touch anyone or it will spark a panic attack. If I do go out or sleep over at a friends house I have a period of at least a mouth where I can't stop looking in the mirror for hurpes. My friends often will joke about how I'll get tongs out to throw away there lipstick's or even there clothes.
I don't mean this, its just what I have to do or I'll have a panic attack. My fear of herpes has affected my social life, if anythings left of it. I really hope I'll get over my fear......and now...I'm starting to be afraid of germs too....well....if I ever do get herpes....I'll know exactly what it is xD.

by: Ben

I am the exact same way. I carry around sanitizer no matter what and always disinfect everything. I won't share anything with anyone and won't let anyone touch me. I don't know that they do or do not have herpes. The worst part is I live in a small town and I know someone who has it. If I see them in a store that they are shopping in I will leave, even I need something from there. They also work at a resturant I like. I haven't ate there since she started a year ago. I just can't. I don't want to catch something perminent by accident. I feel like if they touch a sore, touch a doorknob or something then I touch it then I put a finger in my mouth or eat food right after I will get herpes. It's a long shot I guess but i feel like it must be possible. And it's ruining my life. I've been like this now for 3 years this month, January 2010. It all started when I learned one year after starting my land surveying job that I had to dip a measuring rod into sanitary sewers for engineering puposes. And it was never cleaned/starilized. After that it went down hill bad. All year before that,I didn't know it was used for that ( we dipped rarely). We used it to carry elevations on a daily basis. So I touched it all the time and never washed my hands and ate food/whatever. When I found out it was basically traumatizing.
I started thinking "if I didn't know this was happening, what else don't I know" and that's when I started having crazy thoughts about my job and how I could get all sorts of diseases. Herpes seemed to hit me the hardest. I guess
because of that and that girl I know. The money was good but last july we did a dip and my coworker who is not affected by it at all (Doest even wash his hands. I always had him do all the dipping with the rod) did spray it with a hose and he
was getting splashed by it and I thought that's it. I thought you never wash your hands and you touch everyhing I need to touch and you just got splashed by sewage. If I don't get something from the rod I'll get it from you and I quite. My germ/herpe phobia has gotten bad. All because of my last job. I never used to be like that. I'm only 23 and I feel like my life is over and I can't go out and do anything with friends or alone because of my fear. And I know I probably won't get it because I went 20 years without sanitizer and never got oral or genital herpes. But I feel like I'm constantly aware of it and I'm paranoid. I always find some reason why someone could possibly have herpes and how they could give it to me if they come close to me. Like if I'm in a bar and someone has herpes on there genitals, touches it then a doer handle without washing there hands then a friend mine goes to the washroom and touches the same door handle and then shakes my hand and then I eat some fries or something. Or he touches my mouth/lips like an idiot drunk friend did last Friday when he was telling everyone about how I'm a germaphobe.

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