Fear of friendships and falling in love

by Ember

Fear of friendships and falling in love. I'm thirteen. And the first time I ever fell in love, she betrayed me. Like, first she dated my best friend behind my back, then she dumped me, telling me so, then she dumped him, and is now with someone else. She spread destructive rumors via her mother in the adult community, wrecking my life because all of the adults cut my friendships with their children. I can't go to social events either. A month after this event, I developed an irrational fear of being betrayed by my friends/family, and I'm terrified stiff of falling in love or dealing with romantic advances. I started to have a crush on a friend, and I pushed them away so much that she almost stopped being my friend. She's loyal though, and doesn't realize how scared I am of her. I tried to make it go away, saying that it was nothing and insignificant, but it won't go away, and I'm scared of going to school because of my friends, and I'm scared of going home because of my family. I've hidden in my locker crying because of it. It's not fun and it's not pretty. I'm becoming completely isolated, only being able to go online. Not sure if it is philophobia or something else, but it's kinda a relief to put this out there.

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