Fear of Firecrecrackers

by Not
(PH)

I live here in the Philippines and New Year's Eve will always be a doomsday for me. I am now thirty and was able to manage the fear by lighting firecrackers myself every December 31 and see the anticipation of the explosion.

I could still remember, when i was a kid, i would lock myself inside the room and literally stay inside the closet and cover my ears as tightly as possible. I was gasping for air and since it's dark inside the closet (which i didn't mind), I could imagine the loudest firecrackers crawl in my skin, which exasperated me. There was a time when

I literally cried as the clock strikes 12 in the midnight because i could no longer hold covering my ears for three to four consecutive hours. My father would drag me out of the closet by force, just for me to enjoy the new year. You could imagine the disappointment in his eyes. This experience I was not able to manage until I was 18.

All of these affected my self esteem becoming the laughing stock of my relatives. Yet this has remained a secret to some of my friends. Today, a lot have changed on how we celebrate the new year here in the Philippines. It has become less noisier as a aerial fireworks is now becoming a trend. Although I could not change the past, this experience made me a stronger person, ready to manage, face and eventually conquer fears, whether caused by phobia or not.

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