Fear Of Everything

by sabrina

my hands being wet when the rest of me isnt, but im also afraid of my hands being dirty...like if i get food on them i have to wash them. but then i have to dry them like crazy. or if my hands get sweaty i have to wash them. but other then that i do not wash my hands. if some kind of liquid gets on them i have to dry them over and over.

im also afraid of dishwasher water. if i put away the dishes i wont put away the top rack with all the cups cause water collects on top of them. if i hit the rack and water falls on my hands i get soo grossed out. i feel like its...dirty cause of all the food particles. its slimy to me. its so disgusting.

semi trucks give me panic attacks. ive gotten used to them. i used to cry if i was in a car next to them. now if i see one my body just shutters and my eyes close instantly. nothing has ever happened to me with a semi truck. but im still afraid of them especially at night when theyre all lit up.

im also afraid someone will kill me when im in the shower. i would lock the door when i took a shower. if i hear a noise i rip open the curtain with a bottle of shampoo handy to defend myself. i think its cause your so vulnerable. your wet, NAKED, and alone. completely not expecting it. thank god my boyfriend lives with me. he showers with me now.

im afraid of talking to people with heavy accents cause i cant understand them, i cant order chinese food. i refuse to. it has to do with my social anxiety, im afraid i wont understand what theyre saying and ill say something back thats not right with the conversation. or ill say "what?" too many times.

im not afraid of this but if someone touches the top of my head i instantly without thinking slouch down and make a weird noise. dont know why. i feel like their pushing me down or something. they will just lightly touch the top of my head but i instantly sink down.

there is more. but im tired.

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