Fear of death and fatal disease!

by Tejendra
(Chitwan, now in Kathmandu,Nepal)

I am from rural part of Nepal.Here is brief info of what goes through me.
I used to fear alot when I was child and still I do. Even a presence of a domestic animal could remove my fear. I used to fear of dead body also. Once, there was a pain (later it was identified that it was by cold)in waist. Just before that my grand ma had died of cancer with the symptom -pain in waist. I related my waist pain with cancer and my fear geard up. It frequently occured. I was living at home alone. There was nobody to share or reveal my phobia. Even the idea of physical check up with physicain didnot come to my mind. I now know the instant daigonosis could have easily removed my fear od cance and death.

Fear occurs repeatedly and symptoms are extremly hard to bear.Some of them are- hard to sleep, fast breath, extreme reslessness, head as is it is going to explode, racing heart as if it is going to break and shaking body, hands, fingers and voice. It remains for upto 2 hrs and goes.It comes as tsuanmi and totally blows me away from my world. I findmyslef totally wrecked and helpless. In such condtion , I am living for more than 12 years.

After 04 years, I knew that my problem was purely phychological. I started getting medication but that didnot help me much. I took medicine for more than 5 years and left it being disappointing. Now it has been two years i left medication.

I am trying meditation also but this isnot helping much really.Could you? Your help is greatly aprreciated.

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