Fear of being pregnant

by Sheena
(Tx, USA)

My name is Sheena and I'm 29 yrs old and I am deathly afraid to be pregnant. I just recently ended a near 3yr relationship because of my fear of being pregnant, I never knew why I didn't want kids but just recently I decided to look into why I didn't want children. I knew I was afraid but I just couldn't put my finger on it. The very mention of children made me change the subject or pretend I didn't hear the topic up for discussion. When children were mentioned I got this knot in my stomach and I felt ill like I had the flu or something.I kept this from my now ex and just thought it was nerves and it caused a strain on us and I ended it thinking it was for the best. I wanted to know why I was so afraid and I found it on the web. I do want children but this fear is controlling me and I don't want it to. I gave up a great guy because I was afraid to tell him the truth and feared that he would judge me.
Just thinking of getting pregnant causes me to go weak at the knees, rapid heart rate and sweaty palms just to name a few. I panic every time we had sex even though we used protection on both of our ends, I even with held sex up until I got my period.I would pray every night that it would be a false alarm. Now I lost the love of my life and I can't get him back. Please help.

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