Fear of being cut
Ever since I was young I was always a little squeamish, and even afraid to raise my hand out of the discomforting thought of blood draining from my hand into the rest of my body.
As of late, though, I saw a moderately graphic scene on TV of a man's wrist being cut and his blood being poured onto a young girl. Honestly, it wasn't all too traumatizing for me, but ever since I saw that I haven't been able to get the image of cut wrists out of my mind. I now have the deathly fear that one day it's going to happen to me, and I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack every day. The fear has started to take a toll on me as I no longer feel confident when leaving the house, I can't focus on anything else, and it may be negatively damaging my relationship with my girlfriend. She just says to not worry and that it's not a big deal if it happens, but that doesn't help at all. I know in my heart that if it did happen, it may not be too painful and I would live, but the amount of blood and possible vein damage from clotting scares me more and more each day. I haven't felt this much stress in many years and suicidal thoughts sometime creep into my mind from this fear, just wanting the anxiety to go away. I've started to see a counselor, hoping that it will help, and I may start going to a support group. Honestly, I feel like medication is the only thing that can save me at this point, because at this rate I fear that I won't be able to focus in college and I will drop out and be a bum sitting around in my parents' living room for the rest of my life, crying and alone with no motivation to do anything.
I used to think people like this were crazy, I never expected any of this to happen to me...
And I'm even afraid to put my name or location or email on here with the fear someone may come out and try to cut me.
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