Commitment Phobia

When Promises Are Prohibited

Commitment phobia is the irrational fear and avoidance of having to commit something to someone. However, this phobia is more prevalent in case of relationships.

Jan Heering

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The phobic person generally tends to be over critical of his/her partner or just shy away from initiating any relationship. Some sufferers, on the other hand, want to meet Mr. or Miss perfect and end up being frustrated.

Types of fear of commitment
In commitment phobia, a person starts a new relation with high, unrealistic expectations, which finally ends with the fear of being suffocated or trapped in a long-term relationship.

Because of this, some commitment phobics are flirtatious whereas others reject potential relationships. They can get into a relationship only when they know that the person on the other end is not keen in a long-term relationship.

Then again, you can come across some one who is unwilling to commit in advance, for any program in the weekend.

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Another type of commitment phobia is that when you don’t want to commit to something even though you have nothing better to do.

There are several signs of commitment phobia like

  • expressing abnormally high levels of criticism of a partner or relationship,
  • intentionally hurting the partner and thus causing relationship to fail

  • making themselves unattractive to potential partners, multiple timing and thus leaving a trail of unsuccessful relationships,

  • the fear of losing one’s own identity if a relationship develops

  • avoidance of marriage discussions

  • extremely high expectations from partners

  • dismissal and renewal of a relationship time and again

  • non-committal attitude towards work, hobbies, timetables, and even therapy.

Commitment phobia: the causes and the treatments
The underlying cause of fear of commitment often lies in one’s childhood where there was a grave loss or trauma of some kind. It may be parental separation, bereavement, having a poor role model, witnessing or being victimized to some kind of abuse, etc.

Irrespective of the cause, most of the commitment phobics suffer from a terrible insecurity of losing the loved one and hence avoid entanglement of any kind.

Though both male and female people can be non-committers, yet this specific type of phobia is seen more in men.

This is because women have strong maternal instincts and moreover their biological clock does not permit them to draw back from commitment for too long.

Actually we all have a small fear of commitment. But for some, this fear ruins their day-to-day lives. A non-committing attitude towards jobs, arising from fear of failure or inability to handle stress, can ruin the financial prospect.

Treatments of fear of commitment
To overcome this phobia, the sufferer at times takes the help of a therapist. Talking treatment can be administered where the patient can talk about stress-causing factors and thus give vent to the pent-up fear and insecurity.

However, the major disadvantage with such a form of treatment is that the remission of the ailment completely depends on the medical expertise of the therapist.

Medicines can be administered for extreme case of fear of commitment but their action is just temporary. They act to subside the pain for a limited span of time.

The role of self help NLP in treating commitment phobia
Self help NLP can cure the condition of commitment phobia. This is a process by which you completely change your mental construct, get rid of your fears and start thinking positively about life and the promises it involves. You become more confident and thus you develop the ability to stay committed to others.

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Posted by Jan Heering
Phobia Treatment Expert and author
Founder and President of the Morpheus Institute and

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