Childhood shadow of fear

by Kathleen
(Westminster Co)

I am 46 years old and still suffer with not being able to breath or drive. I was 12 years old and was shot by an estes rocket in my stomach. It went in my kidney and liver! I know what it feels like to be dying but, not die.

Now whenever I have to face a medical problem my anxiety goes up and I can not breath all day long. I am short of breath and can not sleep. I can not take medications because I have a fear of them too. I have not had a full blown panic attack for over 12 years now but, I do come close at times.

I just found a lump in my breast and have to go in for more tests. This has brought me to your website. I think because of my Post Traumatic Stress from when I was a child, I have a fear of death. This condition has caused me to lose a good part of life behind closed doors afraid of going out or going away from home.

I have made great strides but, have found that any idea in the back of my head of death will trigger fear. If I see an ambulance at a house, I get very anxious. I filed the whole situation wrong and I am now wired wrong. I understand it but, can not find a way to reach freedom.

I always called this my shadow because it is always with me. It can come up at anytime. I am by far better off then I was years ago. I would have six panic attacks in a row and became exhausted.

My family has suffered and so have I. I am to the point where if I could get my hands on a post ox finger tester, I will. If I can not breath I can test my oxygen level and calm down when I know I am getting enough air! This is horrible!

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