I delivered my first baby 3 months ago and went through weeks of panic, severe anxiety and a fear of myself I cant even describe in words. I was in such bad shape I couldnt look myself in the mirror cause I was so afraid. I lost 25 kilos in just 2 months. After this calmed down I started to get this intrusive thought that has hung on for a long time now.
I got scared, so terrified of having a brain! It sounds weird I know, cause everyone has a brain but I started analyse so much after having a baby and after being through weeks of feeling as I lived in a 24/7 panic attack I started to think about what my brain can do really. How a brain, an organ can contain thoughts. I try to understand it but I mean, who can understand the whole brain? It is so complicated and it grosses me so much just knowing I have a brain. I wake up in the morning terrified cause I cant escape it! I mean "Face your fears". How in the world do I face something I have to live with 24/7? I am so obsessed with this and so scared.
I go in pshycotherapy, I have medications. But this thought has taken over my whole life. Sometimes I feel I just want to disappear cause I have a brain. I have even tried hypnosis which didnt work. I try to accept it since I have no other choice but this fear is causing me such immense suffering I dont know what to do anymore...Will it just pass or do I have to live with this fear for the rest of my life?
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