Atychiphobia, a life destroying phobia,
Atychiphobia is the fear of failure. ever since i was a little kid ive had what i thought was 2 different problems first, i never had many friends, i had trouble talking to people and was just socially awkward. i would deny the fact that it was a problem and just hoped it would fix its self. ive suffered through not having many, if any, friends through elementary and middle school many times i cried because i couldnt have fun with every1 els because no1 liked me, all these other kids are having girlfriends and i thought i was going to die alone and no1 would care or even notice, i even considered suicide many times.
this might sound like a social disorder but social anxiety is the fear of talking to people, i had no problem answering questions in class or talking to people, i longed for people to talk to me, i just didnt know how to talk to people, i was scared of looking like an idiot or saying something stupid, worrying about saying something stupid often would case me to say something stupid and when i did i would get very embarrassed and be discouraged from talking to people.
Now the other problem caused by the phobia, the furthest i can remember this occurring was when i was working with my dad, helping him build stuff, i was always scared of doing something wrong and getting in trouble for it and as u might have already guessed it caused me to do things wrong a lot i remember getting teased by my dad and others when i would do something wrong, not that they were trying to hurt me there just messing around but it hurt me a lot inside, and as it grew i began not wanting to do work or have responsibilities i figured i was just lazy, not uncommon for a kid to not want to work. it was fairly recently i was thinking about it it wasnt that i was lazy i just didnt want to do it wrong, i wanted to do it i was just scared of messing something up.
I am now 16, a sophomore in high school, it was last year when i self diagnosed myself, at this time i knew something was really wrong and i was looking for help online and came across Atychiphobia, and i thought about it for days and realized how it intertwined with my life and shaped who i was. at that time my depression was at its all time high, didnt help that my dad passed away that summer, i also have great trouble talking about it my mom doesnt even know what im suffering through.ive tried talking to some1 but i just cant around people i just go into denial not that any1 cared tho.even know im having trouble typing all this.
I was completely hopeless and was giving up on life. i finally said to myself "look, my grades are in the trash im not gonna pass high school if i keep going like this im really smart i should easily be making A's i want to make something of my life, i dont want my life to be destroyed."
it was hard but i started forcing myself to be more social and i got a few real friends, and it took a while but i became closer to those friends and i started opening up and i started, well basically learning how to talk to people and now i have a rather large group a friends, i still have trouble talking to people somewhat but im getting better taking more risk putting myself out there and ive become a lot happier with my life my hope has returned and last progress report card i got A's and B's, i even danced a bit at the home coming dance, which is something id never possibly consider in the past, and i had a lot of fun. my other symptom fear of failing at working and stuff like that has mostly disappeared.
Hope some1 might be able to get some use out of this, if any1 has any questions feel free to email me at dragorin1000 at gmail.com