Atychiphobia, a life destroying phobia,
Atychiphobia is the fear of failure. ever since i was a little kid ive had what i thought was 2 different problems first, i never had many friends, i had trouble talking to people and was just socially awkward. i would deny the fact that it was a problem and just hoped it would fix its self. ive suffered through not having many, if any, friends through elementary and middle school many times i cried because i couldnt have fun with every1 els because no1 liked me, all these other kids are having girlfriends and i thought i was going to die alone and no1 would care or even notice, i even considered suicide many times.
this might sound like a social disorder but social anxiety is the fear of talking to people, i had no problem answering questions in class or talking to people, i longed for people to talk to me, i just didnt know how to talk to people, i was scared of looking like an idiot or saying something stupid, worrying about saying something stupid often would case me to say something stupid and when i did i would get very embarrassed and be discouraged from talking to people.
Now the other problem caused by the phobia, the furthest i can remember this occurring was when i was working with my dad, helping him build stuff, i was always scared of doing something wrong and getting in trouble for it and as u might have already guessed it caused me to do things wrong a lot i remember getting teased by my dad and others when i would do something wrong, not that they were trying to hurt me there just messing around but it hurt me a lot inside, and as it grew i began not wanting to do work or have responsibilities i figured i was just lazy, not uncommon for a kid to not want to work. it was fairly recently i was thinking about it it wasnt that i was lazy i just didnt want to do it wrong, i wanted to do it i was just scared of messing something up.
I am now 16, a sophomore in high school, it was last year when i self diagnosed myself, at this time i knew something was really wrong and i was looking for help online and came across Atychiphobia, and i thought about it for days and realized how it intertwined with my life and shaped who i was. at that time my depression was at its all time high, didnt help that my dad passed away that summer, i also have great trouble talking about it my mom doesnt even know what im suffering through.ive tried talking to some1 but i just cant around people i just go into denial not that any1 cared tho.even know im having trouble typing all this.
I was completely hopeless and was giving up on life. i finally said to myself "look, my grades are in the trash im not gonna pass high school if i keep going like this im really smart i should easily be making A's i want to make something of my life, i dont want my life to be destroyed."
it was hard but i started forcing myself to be more social and i got a few real friends, and it took a while but i became closer to those friends and i started opening up and i started, well basically learning how to talk to people and now i have a rather large group a friends, i still have trouble talking to people somewhat but im getting better taking more risk putting myself out there and ive become a lot happier with my life my hope has returned and last progress report card i got A's and B's, i even danced a bit at the home coming dance, which is something id never possibly consider in the past, and i had a lot of fun. my other symptom fear of failing at working and stuff like that has mostly disappeared.
Hope some1 might be able to get some use out of this.