Athazagoraphobia

by Alice

When I was little I started having dreams that my family and/or friends would leave me behind. I was a smart little kid and recognized it as just a dream. The idea that they would forget or leave me still scared me though.

A few years later my mom took me to the state fair. I was officially lost for 30 minutes. 8 year old me is desperately searching for my mom, and then I get the idea that she left me behind on purpose. After crying in a bathroom for 5 minutes, i hear my mom yelling my name.

We got the whole thing sorted out, but from that moment on, I was mortified of getting left behind. Since then I have had many, many, many dreams that i was left behind. Most of them seemed on purpose, but luckily a few were unintentional.

Last year I found out my fear was called Athazagoraphobia. Several things last year triggered severe anxiety attacks, that none of my friends or family know about. My grandpa was late picking me up from practice, I thought my mom was going to leave me after a school event, and we had a discussion in class about getting lost, and that triggered a week of nightmares.

Lately I have had the same re-occurring dream. My family goes on vacation at this huge resort, with lots of rooms full of games and things to do, and restaurants. The only thing is, after leaving the room, I cant find it, or my family.

Last night I had this dream for the 5th time. This time, I begged my parents not to make me leave the room. Eventually I left to go to dinner with them, but i clung to my mom the whole time. When we got back to the room, she told me to go do something. After a few hours in an art room i decided to head back to the room. I ended up wandering the hotel for 3 days straight, no food or sleep(all the food cost money, and my wallet was in the room). Finally I convinced a man to take me to the missing persons office.

They contacted my parents, but my parents had already left. They had to come back and get me. They were convinced I had run away when we stopped for gas after we left, and they wouldn't believe my story. After we get home, everything goes back to normal. Then I found out my family wants to drag me back to the hotel for a second vacation, and i have a panic attack that puts me in the hospital for weeks.

The owner of the hotel visits me and ask why i'm so afraid to go back. I tell him my story, and several people that saw me verify it. Now the news wants to do a story, that could close down the hotel. Its really popular, so a lot of people start hating me.

I get to school a few days before the news cast was scheduled. Everyone in my class starts yelling at me, even my friends. I try to explain that its not that i want it closed, i just don't want to go, but no one believes me, and i have another panic attack.

I woke up in tears shaking. The combination of my paranoia, athazagoraphobia, my social anxiety, and my mazeophobia( fear of being lost) put into a dream made me have a literal panic attack. My parents have no clue about my fears, and the one friend i have that knows about it, doesn't know how serious it is.

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