Aging, agoraphobia, and social anxiety disorder and GAD.

by Emily
(Garden Grove, Ca. US)

I am a 47 year old female. I was very shy as a child and had a very controlling mother and a passive father. I lived in a house where everyone was yelling all the time etc. I have 1 younger sister.

At 47 1/2...this is how I feel. I am shaky inside all the time. I am afraid to go outside and only go outside if I have to. I had to quit a full time teaching job in 2000, it was just too much. I've been substitute teaching....2 days a week...is all I can do. Anymore than 2 days seems overwhelming. I have body aches all the time....I think it might be from depression. I feel that there is not really that much for me in life....and I don't care about anything.

I am so concerned with getting older. My body is pretty good. I am so concerned about my FACE. I had a face lift this past June. The results were so so...in my opinion.

My symptoms are basically....i feel shaky all the time. If i work, i want to just run home and hide after work. I feel that i am not as beautiful as i was when i was 30. I am just afraid to face people. I feel that becoming older has somehow made me ugly. I fear looking old. When i see a younger teacher at work i get so jealous. I am also so jealous of movie stars who make enough money to have any face procedure that they want.

I was very shy is school. I had a big nose and the kids would always tease me about it. I was so scared in school that I just sat there and disassociated from what was going on around me.

Well, I made it through college. I fell into teaching...elementary.

Oh, I did have a nose job and a chin implant and looked very pretty.

I married a man who I was not in love with at 27 years old because I felt like an old maid. I am still in the marriage for financial reasons. We sleep in different rooms....always have basically.

I was on Paxil for about 15 years for extreme social anxiety disorder. It worked pretty well....then I went into menopause at age 45 and I think that I had a nervous breakdown. I did not leave my house for about a year. I thought the Paxil was not working so I went on Lexapro....it did not work at all for me. I am now on Cymbalta, first 60mg and now 90mg.....I am so worried about taking these meds for fear of losing my great figure. My psychiatrist said I could try Prozac if I wanted to....I am so sick of meds. I guess I will give Prozac a try. I believe that Paxil is the best for Social Anxiety Disorder, but I am terrified of weight gain....as I am post menopausal.