Afraid of failure
Afraid of failure, sounds rational ...may be ,only if failure means huge failure like, losing a job,a life partner , but when fear is of failure in every and any single , tiny , daily task, here lies the problem.
I think again , may be my fear is not just of failure,.... of rejection, of other people Judgment,of ruinig my whole life over more than a tiny cause.
I'm pretty sure i don't sound rational, but i write my thoughts as they come to me, it kind of make feel better.
I used to think that , if everyone knows whats right or wrong, if it's so obvious for everybody, then it's expected for everybody and most importantly for me,..it's expected for me not to make any, and i mean any mistake.
I should always say the right thing in the right situation, no mistakes, i should always do the right thing ,i should always feel the right thing ,choking......is there a right way to feel happy or made or sad , ifind myself now returning to my brains , to tell me whether i should be happy,sad , a whats worse it being really aware of it, it's like counting your heartbeats , and trying to correct the out of rythm ones.
Nothing seems normal anymore ,nothing comes out of me spontaneousl, what bothers me now is that , being aware of my problem i lose confidence in myself more and more when i should be trying to do the oppossite , i'm like a straw in sea ,about to drown trying to cling to any firm branch on shore,and moreover i find that all branches as shinning as they appear ,after nearly clingig to them , as moving with me or drown with me in the current , except they don't show it or brave to face it and move on, and that i'm only feeling what most of them are feeling snd that i'm better off without them...make any sense?